Behavior behavior what to do?

I commonly hear parents tell me they just don't know what to do. Behavior is beautifully simplistic essentially. It can get complicated very quickly but let's talk about basics.

We behave a certain way because of our past history of reinforcement or punishment. So if our children act out again and again it is because their behavior has been reinforced in the past. "But how can that be?!?!" I often hear, "I put my son in time out and spank him all the time." Well that seems like it would be a punishment, however if the behavior remains despite your best effort to punish your child's behavior, it has actually been reinforced. Maybe they wanted the attention from you, or even more likely maybe they would rather engage in the behavior (i.e. sneak a candy) and get a timeout than not have a candy at all.

So hear are some guidelines: if they continue the behavior over and over even after punishment then, it is not working, change your tactics. One key element is consistency. If you decide when you child hits another child at the park, that they will have to go home, then do that every time and do it immediately. If you wait to say goodbye to some friends, the child may not make the connection between hitting and going home. I watched a friend one day at the mall's play center experience a lot of anger and frustration with her child. Her child was climbing up where she should not have been climbing, sometimes the mom would see her and yell at her, sometimes she would go unnoticed for several minutes before her mom saw her. Finally after yelling several times the mom chased the small child down, carried her to the restroom and spanked her. Both the parent and child were clearly upset at this point. The problem was this did not change the child's behavior. The mom was not consistent nor did she punish as soon as she saw the behavior. A better solution would be to practice the skill of playing without climbing. The mom could take her daughter to the mall daily, and each day when she begin to climb, the mom should have immediately picked her up and taken her home. This would teach the child the rules of the play area and also that she must listen to her mother.

Punishment?

If punishment is used, careful consideration must also be used. We must consider why the behavior is occurring. If we do not, and blindly punish the behavior instead, we never truly find out what the behaver (the person engaging in the behavior) is getting out of performing the behavior. So what does this mean? The behaver now has no appropriate way of communicating what they want. Most likely they will find other means of communicating their needs with new negative behaviors.

So it is important to take this into consideration. We need to first figure out why the behavior is occurring and second treat the problem behavior. As we treat the behavior we will be teaching a more effective means to communicate the behaver's needs.

So if a two year is screaming because he wants a cookie, many parents will either give into the screaming (very dangerous!) or punish, or attempt to punish, the behavior. Instead they should ask why is this behavior occurring? They want a cookie. So we need to teach the child to ask for a cookie appropriately and only give cookies to the child when he asks appropriately.

August ABA Workshop dates

August dates for workshops-

Jennica will be presenting on the following topics:
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ABA Specific to Autism
(9AM-12PM Sat Aug 15th )
Attendees will learn:
• How to use assessments (VBMAPP & ABLLS)
• How to set up an ABA program
• Techniques to use with children on the spectrum
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Intro to Verbal Behavior
(9AM-12PM Sat Aug 22nd )
Attendees will learn:
• What is VB?
• Verbal Operants
• How to use VB to teach language
• How to make a VB program

Email: Jennica.verbalbehavior@hotmail.com for registration and additional info

Decreasing Problem Behavior Workshop

Interested in decreasing problem behavior with our children? Want to learn how to do it ethically and effectively? Come to our workshop this Thursday July 23rd in El Paso (Fort Bliss). 6-9PM. Email: Jennica.verbalbehavior@hotmail.com for more info.

Arguing with our kids

Why do we as parents spend so much time arguing with our children? Here is a typical scenario of an argument:

Child: "I wanna cookie"
Mom: "Sorry but you need to eat dinner first"
Child: "I WANNA COOKIE"
Mom: "What did mom say, look at me, no cookies until afer dinner"
Child: "Nooooooo! Cookie!"(now child is hysterical and crying)
Mom: "Do you need to go to your room for a time out?"
Child: (screaming and tantrumming)

Now this mother may be wondering "What did I do wrong?" She did one thing right: not giving in. Had she given in, the child's whining and bad behavior would likely increase in the future. But the mom could have done something different: not argued with her child, it might look like this:

Child: "I wanna cookie"
Mom: "Sorry but you need to eat dinner first"
Child: "I WANNA COOKIE"

Silence: mom does not respond, she has already given her answer, so why argue about it? If this is the first time the mom has ignored her child, the child will likely get very upset (If you try this be prepared, behaviors often get worse before they get better). Once the child understands mom is not going to answer me, no matter how hard I scream, she will realize you mean what you say, and stop whining/complaining because it doesn't do any good.

Homework: Try it! Tell me how it works for you. Just remember: hang in there, be strong and silent, no matter how upset they become, ignore the behavior if they want attention and are acting badly. Quesions? Comments?

ABA Workshops in El Paso area 2009

July 2009 Workshops:

Conducted by Jennica Orme, M.S., BCaBA
Jennica is a Board Certified Assistant Behavior Analyst and has been working with typical children and children with autism and related disabilities since 2005.

#1) Intro to Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
***FREE WORKSHOP
Saturday July 18th 10AM-1PM

Level: Introductory
This workshop is for ALL parents, teachers, professionals, students, SLPs, and caregivers.

You will learn:
 What is ABA and why it is so popular?
 Research behind ABA
 How ABA can help my child
 Getting started with ABA: basic principles

#2) Decreasing Problem Behaviors
Thursday July 23rd 6-9PM

Level: Introductory
This workshop is for ALL parents, teachers, professionals, students, SLPs, and caregivers.

You will learn:
 The 4 functions of behavior (including why behavior occurs)
 Positive & Negative Reinforcement and Punishment
 How to treat problem behavior: specific tools for targets behavior

 Each workshop includes copies of PowerPoint
presentation and other training materials

Location: Workshops will be conducted at the Junior Enlisted Center on Fort Bliss
Map and additional info will be sent with registration form

Please email me for registration form or additional questions.
jennica.verbalbehavior@hotmail.com

Schedule for August-October coming soon!

Toxic Toys?

This is from a friends blog:
"Recently, there has been a lot of talk and media coverage on toxic toys. I find myself getting so lost in the developing research surrounding chemicals foudn in toys. How do I know if what I'm buying will not end up hurting my child's health in the future? I found a great website where you can find out the chemical composition of toys, by searching by brand or type. It does NOT, however, tell you how safe/unsafe the toy is. It simply tells you the levels of chemicals in the toy."
The website is called, "Healthy Toys" and the website is: www.healthtoys.org

Parenting books

Empirically Supported Parenting books:

"Living with Children" (Patterson)-current edition is "Parents & Adolescents" (Forgatch)
"Incredible Years" (Webster-Stratton)
"Helping the Non compliant Child" (McMahon & Forehand)
"Parent-Child Interaction Therapy" (Eyberg)

I cannot currently recommend one specifically as I have not read them yet, I have only seen the research behind the books (just ordered McMahon & Forehand book). If anyone checks the books out, let me know what you think. And you can always join me for the book club reading.

Parenting books & research

Frequently parents have come to me and asked my opinions of parenting books; which ones are the best and most popular? I never really had a response for them since I myself have never read a parenting book. All my information comes from research, data, experience, and training in the field of applied behavior analysis.

So do these books work? They make us feel all warm and fuzzy, give us some good advice, and really make us think, right? I guess you have to ask yourself, did it make a difference in the way I treat my child's behavior? More importantly: did my child's behavior change as a result of what I changed in my interactions with her, after I read the book? The answer should be more than "I think so." It should be "I know it did," or "it changed my (or my child's) life."

Take for example "Parenting with Love and Logic." Very nice book, even sold over 450,000 copies. But where is the research behind the book? Does it work, does it change the lives of the families that read the book? To date, there is not a single valid study conducted to see if the techniques in the book are effective.

Where then, should parents go to find how to help their children's behavior? I took a workshop on this very topic in Phoenix in May. Next time I post I will post the books that are imperically validated.

Forced Apologies

The following is not based on research, only on my own opinion of requiring your child to say "sorry":

Telling someone you are sorry means you regret your actions, are publicly declaring it, and asking for someone to acknowledge it by forgiving you. This concept is first of all too difficult for a child to comprehend (it is our duty as parents to teach our children what is right and what is wrong, however it is important to note that small children do not comprehend what right and wrong means, they only understand consequences their parents provide, this is also why lying is such a problem--they know that lying will save them from getting in trouble and by telling the truth they will face punishment, it IS that simple!
Secondly forced apologies end up meaning nothing to the child. By requiring your child to say sorry it is very easy (for them) to do and not punishing, which means they are likely to repeat the behavior. If they have a consequence attached to their behavior they are less likely to repeat the behavior.

Here's a tip: instead of forcing your child to give a half hearted apology, tell them they must fix what they have done wrong (you may want to wait until your child is 3 or 4 to do this)If your child hits their sibling, they must do something for their sibling to make up for it(ex. make their sibling's bed, pick up their toys)

Count and Mand: a technique for decreasing whining and related behaviors

Does your child whine/cry/yell to get something they want? Does it drive you crazy? One thing I have a hard time tolerating is a child that whines or yells to get what they want. I can't believe parents allow it. One technique for dealing with this problem behavior is called the count and mand. This concept comes from Dr.Vincent Carbone, a leader in the field of autism.

The count part is like a mini time out in which your child remains quiet while you count (out loud or in your head)so in the future they will learn to ask for the item politely first before whining. The mand comes from B.F. Skinner's analysis of verbal behavior and is a fancy word for request.

When your child wants something that they CAN have but are asking inappropriately you tell them to stop and you count to five (it can also be three or ten depending on your child's age). After you are done counting AND your child has quietly waited you can ask "what do you want?" Then you prompt them to ask nicely by saying "ask nicely" or modeling what they should say "can I have candy?" Once they have asked politely they should get the item immediately. If you wait they may not connect the "asking nice" behavior to the reinforcement.

What if they don't calm down and ask nicely? You start the process over, saying "stop. one, two..." You can repeat this several times until they are calm. If you child has not calmed down after you have repeated yourself 5 or 6 times this may not be a good technique for your child.

What if they are whining for something they cannot have? If they tantrum/whine/cry DO NOT give in! It will only reinforce the behavior, it is best to ignore the behavior or redirect it by diverting their attention to something else.
For more info on the count and mand you can email me at: jennica.verbalbehavior@hotmail.com

Tantrums and screaming

This is a hot topic and recently my son has had some of these behaviors--at 9 months! I think his "terrible twos" have come early!

So when we look at a behavior we always have to determine the function first--why is the behavior occurring?
The four functions of behavior are the following:

escape (trying to get out of something),
to gain a tangible (to get something),
automatic reinforcement (it feels good, like eating or getting a massage),
and to get attention.

These four reasons are the reasons we behave the way we do. So when your child has a behavior ask yourself why they are doing it. Are they wanting to escape the situation? Do they want my attention? Once you know why they are behaving the way they are, you can effectively treat their behaviors. So if they want attention you do not give it to them, if they want to escape you do not allow them to escape, etc.

So with the tantrums and screaming usually a child wants something tangible or attention. My son has been screaming when I take something away from him he is not suppose to have--like my cell phone. When he screams I never return the item unless he is quiet and is allowed to have the item. It is difficult when you have a young child because they cannot ask for an item.
Questions? Comments?

ABC Data for treating problem behaviors

First and foremost it is important to have data on your child's behaviors. Before we change our children's negative behaviors we first must specifically identify the behaviors as well what brought them on and how we handled them in the past. You can easily make your own data sheet by drawing three columns on a lined piece of notebook paper. Then make an A in the first column, B in the second column, and a C in the third column. This is called an ABC data sheet. The letters stand for antecedent, behavior, and consequence. Now you can begin recording data when your child has a behavior. Write down what occurred right before the behavior in column A (ex. told her no, asked him to come inside, etc). Next record actual behavior in column B (ex. hitting with open-hands, screaming "No!" etc.) and lastly record what the child's consequence was (ex. Mom yelled "Go to your room," Dad ignored behavior, etc.) and of course if your child complied with the consequence. This is so important because you will start to see patterns in your child's behavior. Behaviors that are reoccurring at high rates are being reinforced so you want to look at changing the consequence. Despite what you might think sometimes spankings and yelling can be reinforcers instead of punishers. Which is which has to do with the actual behavior of the child. If the behaviors occur more frequently they are being reinforced, if they occur less frequently they are being punished. The same is true for good behavior as well as bad behavior. For example your child might not give hugs or offer to help because he is not reinforced to do so, or worse he was punished in the past if a parent may have said "not now," or "I'm too busy." For a data sheet on a word document or just more info you can email me at: jennica.verbalbehavior@hotmail.com

Sensory Integration (SI)

EmilieAn,

It sounds like Beckett may have SI.(I do NOT diagnosis children) The issues you described do not sound like aspergers or autism, unless there are more problems you left out like lack of eye contact, poor social skills, deficits in language, etc.

Sensory integration is a disorder that affects the senses. Almost all autistic children have SI, but one can have SI without being on the autistic spectrum, which I think is your case.

Imagine wearing clothes that have been soaked in starch, listening to radio or TV that sounds like loud static, and things that lightly touch you feel like sand paper. All your senses are magnified and everything seems uncomfortable at times. That is what SI is like. Beckett probably probably has items he refuses to touch (they may be wet, sticky, or rough) and he might have items he absolutely loves like silk or satin if he has SI. Deep pressure may also feel good to him and he may be repelled by soft or light touches.

If this does not sound like Beckett, something else may be going on. Let me know what you think.

Developmental Norms for 2 year old

Does your child at 24 months:

Pretend play with you with more than one action, like feeding the doll and then putting the doll to sleep?
Use and understand at least 50 words? (There is conflicting research that says a 2 year old child should have 150-200 words)
Use at least two words together (without imitating or repeating) and in a way that makes sense, like “want juice”?
Enjoy being next to children of the same age and show interest in playing with them, perhaps giving a toy to another child?
Look for familiar objects out of sight when asked?

Adapted from:

Services for children with autism & related disorders

Where to go when there's a problem

EmilieAn (also please read my comments posted below your question),

Sara Smalley is a parent in Hawaii who has a child with autism. She has a plethora of experience in working with the system and getting services. Here is her blog:


Usually it starts with a doctor's referral to a specialist, then if there's a problem; a diagnosis, and then depending on the need and the diagnosis, services from a variety of therapists. Sometimes it is an occupational therapist, physical therapist, speech therapist, skills trainer, etc. These services are from the Department of Health as long as Beckett is under 3, after age 3 he will be under jurisdiction of the Department of Education. It is best to treat as young as possible so do not delay!

You have an additional option being military: the exceptional family member program. Find out who to contact (sorry I am unsure of the process) and begin the process, the good news about the military is that you can continue services without switching at age 3. If you decide to seek services let me know, I know many of the providers in Hawaii and can let you know who the good ones are!

You can also email me privately and I can give you my number for additional help!

Potty training: in general

Becky thanks for asking about toilet training, it is so common to be concerned and unsure of how to handle it. There are many ways to potty train a child, I will leave some tips and you can decide which would be best for little Ollie.

General guidelines: you are correct in your comment about implementing a bootcamp program and not gradually easing a child into it. Consistency is the key (as it is with any behavioral training). Make sure you are all in--don't be wishy-washy (behavioral term! just kidding) about starting a program. You may not want to start if you cannot keep with the program, like if you are moving or having a baby (HINT-HINT--however if done properly Ollie could be potty trained in a weekend). Also get your potty language straight. Are you going to say pee-pee, bathroom, toilet, or potty? Be consistent with everyone involved and use the same language every time so your child knows what you are talking about when you ask "Do you need to go potty?"

Signs your child is ready: if your child feels uncomfortable if wet or soiled (especially if they tell you--signs of tugging or pulling on a dirty diaper are also good). Also if they hide when having a bowel movement (BM) or urinating, although this usually happens only with BMs. If your child shows interest when parents/siblings use the toilet or if they wish to participate in toileting routines like washing hands, pulling up/down pants, flushing potty.

Potty training: the Potty Party Method

Where to start: because you have a typical child I suggest the potty party method. It's fun, easy, and a great way to make using the potty a fun experience. You should give your bathroom a good scrub down first because you may be spending your weekend here. Starting in the morning is a good idea because Ollie is more likely to go when he first wakes up. Take him straight to the potty, where there are toys, games, books, foods, even a DVD player if you can manage (I like to use a small portable one). Put him on the potty and wait to see if he urinates. He will do one of two things:
#1)Go potty--if he does this make it a BIG deal! LOTS of cheering and whatever reinforcers (preferred item) he has--edible ones are great (but it should be something special he does not get daily)
#2)You guessed it--does not go, and most likely he will not right away. It's okay, do whatever you can to keep him on the potty with the toys, books, DVD, etc. If he just refuses keep him in the bathroom with the items without clothes on, so he can see whats happening when he goes. During this phase you flood his system with liquid. Whatever he wants, every kind of juice, milk, water, etc. Now you wait, hopefully he will be on the potty when goes (see #1) if not, rush him there and show him what to do, if at first you don't succeed...

Now you have had your first successful interaction with the potty. Depending on how well Ollie does this you will need to decide where to go from here.

Additional note: have daddy model going potty!

Potty training & data taking

Where to turn if the potty fails: Now we are getting more complex--we use data. What?!?! Potty data? you may ask. Yes potty data. (I will attach a potty data sheet next, I just need to find it on my computer first) You will want to record when he is going #1 and #2 and see if this correlates with eating/drinking or sleeping. You do this by putting him undies (you can buy extra thick ones so he doesn't go all over the place) and then record when he goes for a day or two. This will tell you if your child is a frequent urinator or can hold off for longer periods of time. This way you will know how often you need to take Ollie to the potty if you chose the next method.

Potty training: by Foxx & Azrin

Foxx and Azrin have written several books on toilet training, one of which is called: Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. In their book they outline 5 basic principles for toilet training:
1) Give extra drinks. This will make them urinate more frequently so they have more opportunity to practice their new skill.
2) Scheduled trips to the potty--be consistent use a timer! (data sheet comes in handy and will tell you often to schedule trips). This can be every 10, 20, 30 minutes, even hourly depending on your child. Once your child initiates trips independently and regularly the schedule can cease.
3) Dry pants checks. You should ask your child "Are your pants dry?" also at scheduled intervals, say every 20 minutes. Have them feel to see, if they are dry reward them with a small edible item (m&m, skittle, chocolate kiss, jelly bean, whatever they like). If at any time you notice your child is wet do a dry check immediately and follow #4.
4) Positive practice for accidents. This means when your child has an accident you take them from the spot they had the accident to the toilet and back five to ten times. I agree with some experts that say positive practice is a form of positive punishment. The idea here is that they pretend they are going to the bathroom (with pulling wet pants down and back up each time) to practice using the toilet. The pros to this method is that it is highly effective--children learn quickly that they do not want to do this again and stop having accidents. The cons are that the reason it works is because it's highly aversive; children hate it. It's up to you as a parent to decide what you feel comfortable with.
5) Data taking; for reasons previously explained and to measure the success of your program.

Potty training: No Messing Around

I call this method the no messing around method because it's straight forward and simple. It may foster frustration and evoke emotional responses so it may not be the best method depending on your child. You can buy the child special underwear with their favorite character and can make a big deal about how special they are and they have to be careful not to get them wet. You simply put the child in underwear (except for naps and bedtime) and allow them to have an accident. It may sound bad (especially for your carpet) but children usually have accidents anyway. Once they have an accident you rush them to the potty and show them where to go (you don't scold or make a big deal about the accident, just say "lets go potty"). Have them act as if they are really going to the bathroom, pulling down pants sit on potty, wipe, flush, you can keep fresh pants and underwear (plain ones without characters on them) in the bathroom to put on, wash hands, etc. Also there is an additional step in which your child goes back to the accident spot and cleans it up to deter him from doing it in the future. Be patient with this method.

Potty training: Free Stylin' Method

Is this all too complicated and more info than you wanted to hear? My friend once let her 2 year old run around naked outside, and waited for him to pee, when he started she would rush him over to a designated "pee tree" and have him pee on tree. Then she brought a potty chair outside and put it in front of the tree. Then slowly moved the chair foot-by-foot into the house and into the bathroom. However she lives in Hawaii and has the luxury of letting her son run around nakey all day. Hope this helps!

How to teach sign language

You can teach your child signs if they are not yet talkers or are having trouble formulating words.

#1) Start with what motivates your child. What are their favorite items? Chip, jump, swing, ball, etc. Hold off on non-reinforcing signs like potty for now. Try starting with 3-5 signs, you be the judge of how quickly your child learns. You can buy a signing book or go to www.lifeprint.com/ to learn the signs.

#2) Set the scene, put out a few of your child's favorite items you want to teach them the signs for. Once they move towards an item or try to grab the item, block access to the item momentarily and model the sign for item. (NOTE: you can modify signs so they are easier for the child.) Then take their hands and do the sign for them. You have to be quick or your child will be frustrated they are not getting the item.

If your child gets frustrated it's OKAY! Put the item away and try again later, you may be leaving a screaming child on the floor, but they will learn quickly once they understand the concept, I sign, I get.

#3) Once you model the sign and the child models the sign with help IMMEDIATELY give the item. The rule is within 3 seconds, the child needs to get the item to connect the signing with getting the item. NO going to answer the phone while teaching signing.

#4) Repeat this process OVER and OVER until your child starts independently signing for items, the more you practice the more your child will sign. (NOTE: I like to use edible items so the child has to ask repeatedly for the item. If you use crackers break off tiny pieces so they have to ask for it more often and chose a time when your child is not satiated from lunch but is not so deprived of food you will see behaviors. If you are teaching "swing" or "jump" use the swing set and stop them ever few pushes so they have to sign again, same with a trampoline, jump with them holding their hands)

This is so fun to do with your kids, make it a positive experience and they will be signing all day! Questions? Problems? Let me know!

Teaching sign language

Teaching signs to small non verbal children has recently become quite popular. Teaching signs is beneficial in many ways. First and foremost it aids your small child in communicating with you. When your child is too young to speak, signs can greatly help because once your child knows a few they CAN communicate. This decreases frustration (on both sides) and problem behaviors. Not only that but recent studies have shown that signs actually promote language once children can verbalize by acting as a physical prompt. So that means if you teach your child "ball" and one day ask them "what do you want?" they may sign "ball" and then say the word, the signing helped them remember the actual word ball.

I once taught a two year boy who had no language but over 200 signs from watching "Signing Time" on PBS. He signed randomly, first I taught him to use meaningful signs (instead of signing "brushing teeth" while swimming he was taught to sign things like "milk" when he wanted a drink). Next we paired the signs with word sounds and required him to sound out while signing, like saying the c sound while signing "cookie." We then shaped the c sound to become more and more like the actual word "cookie." Soon he dropped the signs on his own and just said "cookie." Of course this child had a speech delay, but the same idea applies to typical children.

I stole this from my other blog, hope it helps

Reinforcers & Punishers
What we know from studying behavior is that it is usually predictable and we behave the way we do because of a past history of reinforcement or punishment. For example your child might throw a tantrum to gain access to reinforcers (lets say candy) due to a past history of you (or someone else) giving your child candy for crying. It happens everyday. Another example might be that you do not put demands on your child while he is watching TV because in the past he has screamed and hit when you did. Your behavior was punished in the past and as a result you no longer do it. You may ask for a kiss from your spouse because in the past they kissed you and therefore reinforcing your "asking for a kiss" behavior. The examples are endless.

Applied Behavior Analysis

Did you know behavior is a science? Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA—most commonly used with autistic children) is used world wide and is proven effective in treating problem behaviors. Heres a website for more info on ABA: http://vbcommunity.org.uk/

Welcome

It is very common to hear from friends and family members who are also parents say "I just don't know what to do." Well I have started this blog in hopes of aiding parents and answering questions about behavior.

If you have a question unrelated to what I am posting about go ahead and comment anyway with your question. That way I will be sure to see new questions.

I am slowly starting this blog so I hope to be adding to it almost daily eventually but the more questions that are asked the more I will be posting, so ask away...