Behavior behavior what to do?

I commonly hear parents tell me they just don't know what to do. Behavior is beautifully simplistic essentially. It can get complicated very quickly but let's talk about basics.

We behave a certain way because of our past history of reinforcement or punishment. So if our children act out again and again it is because their behavior has been reinforced in the past. "But how can that be?!?!" I often hear, "I put my son in time out and spank him all the time." Well that seems like it would be a punishment, however if the behavior remains despite your best effort to punish your child's behavior, it has actually been reinforced. Maybe they wanted the attention from you, or even more likely maybe they would rather engage in the behavior (i.e. sneak a candy) and get a timeout than not have a candy at all.

So hear are some guidelines: if they continue the behavior over and over even after punishment then, it is not working, change your tactics. One key element is consistency. If you decide when you child hits another child at the park, that they will have to go home, then do that every time and do it immediately. If you wait to say goodbye to some friends, the child may not make the connection between hitting and going home. I watched a friend one day at the mall's play center experience a lot of anger and frustration with her child. Her child was climbing up where she should not have been climbing, sometimes the mom would see her and yell at her, sometimes she would go unnoticed for several minutes before her mom saw her. Finally after yelling several times the mom chased the small child down, carried her to the restroom and spanked her. Both the parent and child were clearly upset at this point. The problem was this did not change the child's behavior. The mom was not consistent nor did she punish as soon as she saw the behavior. A better solution would be to practice the skill of playing without climbing. The mom could take her daughter to the mall daily, and each day when she begin to climb, the mom should have immediately picked her up and taken her home. This would teach the child the rules of the play area and also that she must listen to her mother.