Arguing with our kids

Why do we as parents spend so much time arguing with our children? Here is a typical scenario of an argument:

Child: "I wanna cookie"
Mom: "Sorry but you need to eat dinner first"
Child: "I WANNA COOKIE"
Mom: "What did mom say, look at me, no cookies until afer dinner"
Child: "Nooooooo! Cookie!"(now child is hysterical and crying)
Mom: "Do you need to go to your room for a time out?"
Child: (screaming and tantrumming)

Now this mother may be wondering "What did I do wrong?" She did one thing right: not giving in. Had she given in, the child's whining and bad behavior would likely increase in the future. But the mom could have done something different: not argued with her child, it might look like this:

Child: "I wanna cookie"
Mom: "Sorry but you need to eat dinner first"
Child: "I WANNA COOKIE"

Silence: mom does not respond, she has already given her answer, so why argue about it? If this is the first time the mom has ignored her child, the child will likely get very upset (If you try this be prepared, behaviors often get worse before they get better). Once the child understands mom is not going to answer me, no matter how hard I scream, she will realize you mean what you say, and stop whining/complaining because it doesn't do any good.

Homework: Try it! Tell me how it works for you. Just remember: hang in there, be strong and silent, no matter how upset they become, ignore the behavior if they want attention and are acting badly. Quesions? Comments?

ABA Workshops in El Paso area 2009

July 2009 Workshops:

Conducted by Jennica Orme, M.S., BCaBA
Jennica is a Board Certified Assistant Behavior Analyst and has been working with typical children and children with autism and related disabilities since 2005.

#1) Intro to Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
***FREE WORKSHOP
Saturday July 18th 10AM-1PM

Level: Introductory
This workshop is for ALL parents, teachers, professionals, students, SLPs, and caregivers.

You will learn:
 What is ABA and why it is so popular?
 Research behind ABA
 How ABA can help my child
 Getting started with ABA: basic principles

#2) Decreasing Problem Behaviors
Thursday July 23rd 6-9PM

Level: Introductory
This workshop is for ALL parents, teachers, professionals, students, SLPs, and caregivers.

You will learn:
 The 4 functions of behavior (including why behavior occurs)
 Positive & Negative Reinforcement and Punishment
 How to treat problem behavior: specific tools for targets behavior

 Each workshop includes copies of PowerPoint
presentation and other training materials

Location: Workshops will be conducted at the Junior Enlisted Center on Fort Bliss
Map and additional info will be sent with registration form

Please email me for registration form or additional questions.
jennica.verbalbehavior@hotmail.com

Schedule for August-October coming soon!

Toxic Toys?

This is from a friends blog:
"Recently, there has been a lot of talk and media coverage on toxic toys. I find myself getting so lost in the developing research surrounding chemicals foudn in toys. How do I know if what I'm buying will not end up hurting my child's health in the future? I found a great website where you can find out the chemical composition of toys, by searching by brand or type. It does NOT, however, tell you how safe/unsafe the toy is. It simply tells you the levels of chemicals in the toy."
The website is called, "Healthy Toys" and the website is: www.healthtoys.org

Parenting books

Empirically Supported Parenting books:

"Living with Children" (Patterson)-current edition is "Parents & Adolescents" (Forgatch)
"Incredible Years" (Webster-Stratton)
"Helping the Non compliant Child" (McMahon & Forehand)
"Parent-Child Interaction Therapy" (Eyberg)

I cannot currently recommend one specifically as I have not read them yet, I have only seen the research behind the books (just ordered McMahon & Forehand book). If anyone checks the books out, let me know what you think. And you can always join me for the book club reading.