Does your child whine/cry/yell to get something they want? Does it drive you crazy? One thing I have a hard time tolerating is a child that whines or yells to get what they want. I can't believe parents allow it. One technique for dealing with this problem behavior is called the count and mand. This concept comes from Dr.Vincent Carbone, a leader in the field of autism.
The count part is like a mini time out in which your child remains quiet while you count (out loud or in your head)so in the future they will learn to ask for the item politely first before whining. The mand comes from B.F. Skinner's analysis of verbal behavior and is a fancy word for request.
When your child wants something that they CAN have but are asking inappropriately you tell them to stop and you count to five (it can also be three or ten depending on your child's age). After you are done counting AND your child has quietly waited you can ask "what do you want?" Then you prompt them to ask nicely by saying "ask nicely" or modeling what they should say "can I have candy?" Once they have asked politely they should get the item immediately. If you wait they may not connect the "asking nice" behavior to the reinforcement.
What if they don't calm down and ask nicely? You start the process over, saying "stop. one, two..." You can repeat this several times until they are calm. If you child has not calmed down after you have repeated yourself 5 or 6 times this may not be a good technique for your child.
What if they are whining for something they cannot have? If they tantrum/whine/cry DO NOT give in! It will only reinforce the behavior, it is best to ignore the behavior or redirect it by diverting their attention to something else.
For more info on the count and mand you can email me at: jennica.verbalbehavior@hotmail.com
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This was amazing to read today because my husband and I have been trying to figure out what to do about our whining/crying 2 year old. He typically will run to the fridge and start yelling and crying for what he wants. yuck! So we decided we would set him on a chair and tell him "no yelling" and when he stops (usually about a minute or two) we have him apologize for screaming and then ask nicely for what he wants. I like the plan of counting a few seconds when he's quiet. It seems like it will have faster results. I hope so anyway. We'll try that tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteBetsy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading the blog! You are doing a great job with your son by not giving in to his screaming behavior! Let me know if the count and mand works for you, and I will post soon about forced apologies.
I did it a few times today and it's nice because it has faster results than sitting him on a chair for a while. I just have to keep at it.
ReplyDelete"Forced apologies" makes it sound bad. I feel like I'm teaching him, like when I ask him to say please before he gets something and then tell him to say thank you. Repetition teaches, right? And our own example. He already will say sorry when he bumps into something because I do that so often.
Betsy,
ReplyDeleteYes I do believe forced apologies are bad. See my next post for an explanation.
Here is the thing about please and thankyou. We want our children to be polite and use these words, but we must be careful. Let's consider what P & TY mean. Please means, oh wait I don't actually know what please means, it's kind of a polite way to request something. Does your child understand what being polite means (which I myself am confused about), or do they think you are teaching them the item they are requesting is a "please"? My only problem with these words are that parents are teaching P & TY instead of language that can decrease frustration from the child instead (some children will scream "PLEASE" out of frustration because their parents taught them everything was please, as a result the child had behaviors and the parents could not figure out what their child wanted). I guess it depends your child's language. P & TY can be taught but make sure your children have an idea of why we use those words and already have an extensive vocabulary.
You are correct that repetition is a quick way to acquire information--just be careful what you teach in relation to your child's developmental levels. It sounds like your son is confused about "sorry" because he is misusing the word. I had a client that did the same thing and we decided that mom was not going to teach "sorry," until he was a little older (he was 2 also).